Wednesday, November 19, 2008

So, tonight's budget night. Thankfully my dearest friend is an accountant & has volunteered to help us & is willing to face the dragon that is my partner. He's quite sure we're going to "gang up" on him, make it all his fault & take away his allowance. At least he gets an allowance! He should try being Mom sometime & put everyone else first. He gets his $40, plus usually talks me in extra beer money, and I can find money for him to go out after work with his buds (& he usually jams out & just comes home-& I DON'T get the $$$ back!) OK I'm done....

Money, yikes! I hate talking about it, thinking about it, worrying about it. Its just a tool to get me from A to B. I want to have more than enough, but don't care much about amassing a huge bank account. Does that sound counter-intuitive? I want my bills paid, a cushion for emergencies & the freedom to buy the things I want when I want them. That's all. That's a lot, really.

My mother can't figure out why I have so much trouble managing my money-which kinda surprises me still. We didn't want for anything as kids, near as I could tell we were as well off as our neighbours-even richer maybe (this is a child's perspective) But we never talked about money. I don't know what my parents' income was, don't know how they decided what we could afford or if they worried about paying all the bills. I'm glad they sheilded me from this, but a few lessons in my teens may have been quite beneficial. All the talk about interest rates in math class was more than meaningless-Math was a class I had to endure & pass to graduate, that was all. It didn't appear to have any ground in my life. (Of course I was convinced that I'd be rich enough to pay secretaries & accountants to take care of the details)

I had NO idea money was such a personal & emotional issue. Until now.

I haven't changed much, but I have learned the value of a dollar. Sadly be the end of my first marriage shopping had become my drug of choice. Its almost as hard to kick as an addiction to food, since we need to buy stuff. When I panic about my finances now I reduce my spending to the absolute necessities, but I impose that on my partner as well, in a parental, not gentle way. Its tough finding a balance, but I'm trying.

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